dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
