i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
