Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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