you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
