before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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