Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
