I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
