my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
