my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize