you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
