Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Your penis caused this!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
