woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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