So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
