Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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