They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You need a sexual gate keeper
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
