There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
