Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
