I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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