her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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