He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
