Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
