did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
