woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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