I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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