please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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