4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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