just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
