what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
