i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize