Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
