I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
