Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
