Duck Duck Cougar?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
