dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
