Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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