he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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