put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
