I wannas sexs uuuuu
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
