All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
