I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
