i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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