And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
