Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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