if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
