Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
