apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
