So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
