FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
