Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
