Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
