just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
