You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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