I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
