He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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