Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
