Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
