def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
