why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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