but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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