I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
