NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
