Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
