I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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