420 ftw
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Randomize
