you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize