Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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