Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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