she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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