my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
