I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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