Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
