Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
