I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
