Betty ford says i'm here all night
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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