Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
