She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just high enough for therapy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
