On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
