my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize