Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
