Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
