she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can you bring me the toilet please
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
