Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
