okay pat passed out under dana's car
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
