I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
