I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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