forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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