Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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