Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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