that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm bleeding and have questions
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
