therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
