using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
