Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize