We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
